February 2012
10 posts
4 tags
it's a cry into my pillow kind of sunday
you made me love you
i didn’t want to do it
you made me want you
and all the time you knew it
i guess you always knew it
you made me happy sometimes
you made me glad
but there times, baby
you made me feel so bad
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“I wish I were close
To you as the wet skirt of
A salt girl to her body.
I...”
– Kenneth Rexroth, “Akahito”
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“Have you any idea
How long a night can last, spent
Lying alone and sobbing?”
– Kenneth Rexroth, “Mother of the Commander Michitsuna”
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Ellen Doré Watson, "Slow Leak"
I don’t know how to wish you well.
Your hair is out of control, you are downgraded and strange.
You used to be the man who whopped open his chest,
wandered on a happy shoestring, made a nearly
perfect girl. Times we were electric.
Our talks teased out newness, mixed surprising
pigment. Our battles were not over ground
that mattered, so we walked away from them
with invisible limps,...
3 tags
“In the chest
in the heart
was a vessel
was the pulse
was the art
was the...”
– John Stone, “Autopsy in the Form of an Elegy”
10 tags
a story of loss and loss
No heartbreak is unnecessary. The tectonic slide between two people converging for one, brief drop in eternity and diverging the next instant leaves no one unscarred, unshaken. The bits and pieces of you that break off scatter into the voids left behind by people who’ve carved their absence into you like naive initials on a childhood cedar. No single person who has gone through this...
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“You have slept for millions and millions of years.
Why not wake up this...”
– Kabir
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“I would have given him everything. I would have pulled down planets to make our...”
– Jonathan Carroll, “The Marriage of Sticks”
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scientific method redux
this is the hypothesis: the only way i’ll know i want you is if i don’t have you. i am learning this everyday, because everyday you continue to not be mine. you can’t own a person.
yes, this is fact, but you can occupy the space in their lungs, such that every labored breath only fills their chest with more and more and more of you, until they’re sinking deeper and deeper...
5 tags
may 26, 2011
you drive off into the night, straight into the darkness, and you don’t need to look to your side to know she’s breathing. it’s too dark for you to do anything but keep your hands steady and sweaty against the cracked leather of the steering wheel. the road seems to unfurl itself at each yard you coast along; the headlights never flicker, not even once, but the road is still...
January 2012
11 posts
5 tags
“It’s a strange thing, how you can love somebody, how you can be all eaten up...”
– Madeleine L’Engle, “The small rain”
6 tags
“Would that I
Be as whole as you would have me.”
– Greta Wrolstad, “Aspen”
Would that I be as whole as you would love me.
Would that I be as broken as you would love me.
Would that I be as whole as I would love myself.
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"This Is How It Will Happen" by Tristan Silverman
If a girl ever drives four hours alone in the dark wipe of 3am to meet you
for brunch
if you can imagine her being too young to buy beer,
if she dances in the back without red lipstick watching your mouth
if she links a forefinger through your belt loop, follows you to a home
on a two-lane road over dead rocks and souls left to dry,
past red capes of dust...
4 tags
“To protect peace
I give you this weapon
Loaded with twelve shots
Shot to warn...”
– “Pistols” by M. Gomez
this isn’t terrible, but it isn’t good. it isn’t really anything, in particular. it’s just… the typical mediocre poetic pretensions of a seventeen year old dirtbag romantic with hipster inclinations and a heart problem (it’s...
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“A brush of red comes from you.
A red that’s so very new.
I wish I knew...”
– “Red” by M. Gomez
EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS HILARIOUS. “BEAR HANDS” HAHAHAHA “‘T WIPES” i just. i just can’t. this is here purely for archiving purposes.
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this is not inspiring because i am not inspired
I don’t know how to write without it being about you.
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"Alliance" by Maya Stein
“You have to make an alliance with your anguish,” he said,
“not wage war against it.” And I thought of all the fists
I had shaken at misfortune: games lost
because the shot clock ran out,
a good meal scorched in a forgotten oven,
money dropped on a dress worn only once,
the bully in 6th grade, the math test in 9th,
the wrong outfit at Halloween.
But of course, this isn’t what he meant.
...
4 tags
tips on self-preservation
1. Tell yourself, everyday, not to fall in love.
or
a. Fall in love with things that won’t break you
or
b. Fall in love in muted shades of grey, in whitewashed hues that neither mimic nor ape nor counterfeit whatever true love is purported to be, but keep it at a distance and blur it from your vision, lest it cloud your senses, shadow your every thought.
or
c. Fall in love and...
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cba
i fall in love with the things people do for me, not with the people themselves. i don’t understand how i’ve become so guarded to the point where benign acts of kindness have become such anomalies that i misconstrue gratitude for a deeper kind of affection. maybe it’s the fact that i am selfish, so selfish that when other people grow out of olive branches, their gestures are so...
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December 2011
1 post
2 tags
“When music moves away
From dance, atrophy sets in
When poetry moves away...”
– Loren Goodman, “Ambition”
November 2011
13 posts
5 tags
if it beats we can kill it
you are the boy who makes me write
elegies for stillborn love.
you are the unworthy almost,
the mistake before it was made.
you are the places i dared visit only in my dreams,
the visions shot dead upon waking.
you are the heartbreak that does not know
it is broken.
5 tags
as long as you're lying on the fringes of my life
as long as you’re lying on the fringes of my life, stay
away from the feelings i keep tethered to errant heart.
a gaggle of shiny, slippery worries, stolid and steadfast
fears for you to feast on, when they wander far too far
or far too near to you, that i can glimpse you slowly
orbiting around me, sybarite satellite, a world of pulsing
pushing tides that sweep away sense and sweep me...
in-decisions asked: I keep getting flashbacks of my latest bad life decision, and I get the impulse to text you and/or Spartan 1 about it. Then I remember I can't huhuhu </3
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“I have a sorrowing the size of a lump of coal.
One day I will tender it. I mean...”
– Ivy Alvarez, “Hold”
4 tags
Prometheus by Ivan Granger
The arsonist’s eye
sees
in every stick
only sleeping flame.
It sees
each twig
fulfill itself
in fire.
This world
trembles
at heaven’s
all-consuming
stare.
Yet Prometheus suffers
bound
to his black rock.
With his lightning blind wit
he gave fire to the world—
rather than give the world to it.
7 tags
i will always be the tiniest bit in love with you
I love you when I least expect it. Your inconstancy thrills me as much as it makes me feel like drilling a hole or some sense into my head. Fact is, I was every bit in love with you once upon a bygone time, when I was muddling through the fog of teenage entanglement and attachment. I can see clearly now, but I can’t quite blink out the fog entirely. The random times you pop back into my...
3 tags
“Tell me what’s the difference
between hope and waiting
because my heart...”
– Anna Kamieńska, “Difference”
luftballons asked: i see you are back with your heart-wrenching posts i hope this is not villa and silva's fault lawl
4 tags
needlessly:
you
motherfucker
I wanted you
– Jolie Holland, “Do You”
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“you think love is
a physical asset
like straight teeth
or sparkling eyes
...”
– Teng Qian Xi, “Benign” (via needlessly)
in-decisions asked: I love your writing, Senpai, but never ever as much as I love and miss you. (Idgaf if you "don't miss people," the magnitude of my missing-you-ness is enough missing-people-ness for both of us. <3 )
October 2011
10 posts
3 tags
4 tags
in love with your absence more than anything
It wouldn’t be fair of me to say that I miss you, because most of what I like about you is how you fill my pockets with fingers grasping on empty. I push to see how far you’ll pull back and if this romantic/platonic tug-of-war finally tips over, we’ll see which side the handkerchief lands on.
You make me want to start writing again. Is that as good as being in love?
4 tags
in other news: why didn't you ask for your shirt...
There are two things I don’t understand: the distance that grows between two people and the mysterious way a tree grows. Maybe if I’m lucky (if because all I am now is damp and tired and worn recklessly by the pawing hand of sleep) my limited grasp of both topics combine will produce even some half-baked understanding with an iota of meaning cooking inside it.
Here’s the thing:...
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“She says he isn’t as funny as he used to be. About fifty percent as...”
– Jason Whitmarsh, “Anniversary”
Ouchh.
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"Falling" by Patrick Phillips
The truth is
that I fall in love
so easily because
it’s easy. It happens
a dozen times some days.
I’ve lived whole lives,
had children,
grown old, and died
in the arms of other women
in no more time
than it takes the 2-train
to get from City Hall
to Brooklyn,
which always brings me
back to you:
the only one
I fall in love with
at least once every day—
not because
there are no...
3 tags
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“Always too eager for the future, we
Pick up bad habits of expectancy....”
– Philip Larkin, “Next, Please”
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September 2011
10 posts
3 tags
6 tags
“your life is a bowl of cereal swimming in tasteless powdered skim milk mixed in...”
– past risa sounding pretty much like present risa, from an email i wrote myself months ago.
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When it comes down to it
It’s who is liked and accepted — not who is best suited for the job, whoever that is. I have no fight to put up anyway; this isn’t worth it.
Leaving is easy with eyes closed. Ears are wide open though.
3 tags
